The top job does not have to be lonely.
The following is personal opinion and not professional advice. If you are in anyway grappling with issues regarding your role or life in general, please immediately seek professional assistance. In Australia contact Lifeline (13 11 14), Beyond Blue (1300 22 46 36) or any other professional support service in your location.
I was recently meeting with a CEO over coffee and discussing the current challenging stage of their business. At the beginning of our discussions, the CEO stated: “It’s a lonely job being a CEO”. The statement prompted me to consider the personal side of being a CEO.
I have been privileged to lead a wide range of businesses that include my own small start-ups, Australian private companies, Australian public companies and the Australia New Zealand businesses of multinational IT companies. During these roles, I have experienced the loneliness that comes with the “CEO” role. Business relationships and friendships with many other CEOs reinforce my personal experience that from time to time, loneliness as a CEO comes with the position.
Why do CEOs get lonely? Being a CEO is a position that many people aspire to achieve. It is a long, hard career to become a CEO with significant rewards, both in remuneration and prestige. Whilst the rewards are attractive, the role is not for everyone given that along with the prestige comes significant responsibility, sacrifice and risk.
The CEO role is a ‘dilemma triangle’ between providing appropriate returns for the business owners, ensuring the livelihoods of the people that work for the organisation and attracting/satisfying customers. Add to this the ethical and statutory requirements and the role is a day to day ‘tightrope’. As the leader of the business, the CEO is responsible for constantly steering the organisation toward its vision whilst ensuring there is a clear strategy that is being effectively executed at all times.
Navigating this potential minefield often requires decisions that cannot be shared, even with the closest members of the people in the organisation. For example, market conditions may dictate that areas of the business are no longer viable. This can lead to the need for tough decisions to be made that could include any or all of cutting the loss making divisions, shrinking the overheads of the business or re-focussing/moving the business to a more viable market. It may not be possible to discuss this with any members of the Board or senior executive until there are sufficient facts available to formulate a draft strategy to address the issues. In this instance the CEO enters a ‘twilight zone’ where they must consider the situation, including their own position, in isolation. The CEO knows that they must act however any choice they make will have significant impact on many people and the ongoing wellbeing of the organisation. Their own tenure and reputation is at risk depending on their decisions. It is a lonely place and this is only one example.
How do you manage the loneliness? There is no simple answer to this. As stated at the beginning of this article, if you are finding it difficult to cope, get professional assistance immediately.
Here are some suggestions that I have found helpful to deal with the loneliness that occurs from time to time as a CEO.
- Keep the big picture in mind. In the grand scheme of things, what is happening at any particular time in the organisation is actually a very small matter. The world will keep on going, the sun will come up tomorrow and the universe will still be here no matter what you do.
- You are not your job. Being a CEO is your position, not who you are as a person. You have been entrusted with the role to do the best you possibly can. Provided you do all you can to ethically fulfil the role, you are doing your duty. If things do not work out perfectly, you are still your own person and should be proud of who you are.
- Share the load. Great leaders ensure that they have strong teams who they can rely on to keep the organisation performing at its best. These teams are able to deal with the tough times along with the good times. Having a strong leadership team makes it a lot less lonely as CEO.
- Develop and nurture mentors. It is important to have people that you trust and highly respect to talk to on a regular basis, whether the times are good or bad. The mentors may be people who have been, or are in, a similar position to you or someone that you respect for their life experience and demonstrated wisdom. They can assist you to take a different perspective and often just listen. It is amazing how verbalising a situation will lead you to arrive at a solution without the mentor even saying a word.
- Seek knowledge. Reading biographies and business journals, watching videos, attending lectures (whether physical or virtual), participating in forums etc. assists you with gaining a different perspective on the matters that you face as a CEO. Reading inspirational literature or watching inspiring videos/movies is like having a virtual mentor. There are so many great individuals that have overcome adversity to achieve magnificent results that immersing yourself in their stories will provide you with a background of their experiences that you can refer to as your events arise. These do not have to be contemporary; I recommend that you read Homer’s Odyssey for a background on leadership.
- Pursue your passion in other areas. Being locked into the CEO role without a release in other areas is indeed lonely. Identify your passion and make time to pursue it regularly along with others that you enjoy being with. You may love to be part of a team sport, participate in charity groups, perform as an artist, get out and take photographs or enjoy being with your family, friends and loved ones. Whatever it is, make time for it and “just do it”!
- Set aside time for family and friends. It is so easy to get consumed in the CEO role at the expense of spending time with family and friends. If you are fortunate enough to have family, be sure not to take them for granted. Spending time with them is as refreshing as an oasis in a desert. There are those that believe that as you climb the ladder of success, you must leave behind those that are not on the same trajectory and surround yourself with similarly motivated people. Rubbish! Genuine friends are to be cherished. Certainly, rid yourself of negative people and naysayers, but cherish those that are your genuine personal friends, no matter what their ‘station in life’ is. Time with these people is ‘food for the soul’. Especially, if you are lucky enough to have a significant other, make quality time to devote to them!
- Stay fit and healthy. As an individual, all we have is our self. We live in our body/mind and it is up to us to ensure that it is in the best shape possible. Regular exercise and a healthy diet are essential for us to perform at our best. Being locked behind a desk, travelling or in interminable meetings as a CEO can result in not eating properly and getting no exercise. The body and mind need proper nourishment along with the right level of exercise and rest. When you are exhausted or feeling ‘out of sorts’, it is easy to fall into a feeling of isolation simply because you do not have the energy to effectively communicate with others. Whilst you are exercising, your brain is receiving lots of oxygen and the mind is free to think. It is amazing how solutions to challenges pop into your mind while you are exercising or occur to you after you have had a good sleep after exercising.
- Take vacations. Yes, you are important to the organisation but it must be able to operate in your absence. Taking vacations means that you have arranged the organisation to be resilient to your absence. More importantly, by vacationing, you are reenergising yourself by spending time away from the stresses that can lead to a feeling of isolation.
- Be in touch with your spirit. Whether you are religious or not, it is important to be in touch with your ‘higher calling’. As stated earlier, you are not the job. Taking a philosophical view of things helps you to keep what you are facing in perspective. If you were suddenly no longer a CEO, you would still be you with a real purpose for being here. Continually reflect on your higher purpose so that you can operate as a CEO with confidence that you are doing the best job that you can which is a part of, but not the only, purpose in your life.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of ways to deal with the loneliness that occurs from time to time as a CEO. It is important to recognise that there will be lonely times and to work on your methods of dealing with those times. You may be alone in the role but you do not need to be lonely. Provided you actively seek others that can assist you, honestly communicate with them whilst ensuring confidentiality and continually working on ways to deal with the challenges, you can excel as a CEO and not feel lonely.
© Philip Belcher, LSE Consulting Pty Ltd.
Please contact LSE Consulting to find out how we can assist you in your CEO role or any other strategic business issues.
LSE Consulting is a specialist management consulting company. The purpose of the company is to assist business leaders to improve their organisation’s results, turn around underperforming businesses/business units and prepare for successful exit. The LSE Consulting method focuses on Leadership, Strategy and Execution, hence ‘LSE’, with a strong emphasis on business strategy aligned marketing and sales. The company was founded by Philip Belcher to assist business leaders through interventions that are based on his 30+ years’ experience in leading, turning around and successfully exiting businesses.
